March Malaprops

"He is the very pineapple of politeness" -Mrs. Malaprop (from the play The Rivals - 1775)

You've heard them, you've laughed about them and now you need to share them.

I'm talking about those funny, twisted, mangled up things that people say when they're really trying to say something else. That's right - malapropisms.

The last two times we did this cracked me up. But now it's time to refuel the fire. What did your co-worker say the other day? What phrase does your mom always get wrong? What crazy thing did our President say now?

Oh wait, there's too many of those for one blog post. Sorry.

Anyway, I'll start...

The other day one of my co-workers was talking about how stupid Elliot Spitzer is when she claimed, "Yeah, well he's not the sharpest bulb in the drawer."

Then recently I heard a woman after church exclaim that she felt the homily was "a little strong winded." Hmmm, she may want to think about sitting in front of the deacon next time.

And last issue, Diesel shared that his parents have a friend who used to "gouge himself" at banquets. I commented that I bet that got pretty messy.

So let's hear yours. Otherwise if I don't get enough to share for next time, I may have to continue to resort to the "go to" guy...

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -G. W. Bush

Everything they say is funny at humor-blogs.com!

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Mrs. Malaprop - December Edition

Last month I had a ton of fun with my Malaprop post.

Lots of people left their favorite mangled sayings in the comments section and by email, and good times were had by all.

SO, let's see what we ended up with shall we?

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First we'll start with one of my submissions. Just last week I overheard a woman at the mall complaining to her friend about a bridesmaid dress she was embarrassed to have to wear when she proclaimed,
"I'm going to feel totally sub-conscious in this thing."

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Deborah had this to say about a beauty she heard from her doctor...

This was actually overheard by my doc at the infusion center, I almost blew my ginger ale out my nose. Ok he is from a Latin American country so insert the accent...
"I've been going at this twenty-four, SEVENTEEN!"

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Catherine was clever enough to slip in this tongue-in-cheek malaprop while claiming she would get back to us with her own submissions later...
"I can't think of any right off the tip of the iceberg, but I will certainly be back soon."

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Neva's son is responsible for this ingenious statment... "I know you think I'm not the brightest leaf on the tree".

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Jenny actually admits to letting this one fly out of her mouth...

I once "caught two birds with one hand".

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Andi's husband overheard this delicious gem at a liquor store...
Woman 1: Have you tried that stuff?
Woman 2: Yes. It's definitely a required taste.

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Carla heard a coworker bring this one to life...
"If my grandmother were alive today, she'd be rolling over in her grave."

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Mom Thumb has gathered up a whole batch of these tasty treats...
"Got up on the wrong side of the tracks."
"I'll have his head on a silver spoon."
"There's more than one way to change your spots."
"Nothing is certain but death and the light at the end of the tunnel."

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Sandy's husband's boss once banged out this one...
"The calls are just coming in gang-bangs!"

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Elizabeth is responsible for this mix up...
I used to say "It's half of one, six dozen of another" until it was pointed out to me that those are not similar at all, in fact they are two very different things.

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Emma teamed up with herself to bring us this one...
"There is no 'team' in 'I'."

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Don't worry if you don't see your submission here, I'm going to keep posting these every month. So make sure to let me know if you've heard any new ones. Oh, and don't forget, you can click the box in my sidebar to send me your favorite Malaprop ANY time you hear one, and I promise to print it in a future edition!

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Mrs. Malaprop

Wanted: Your submissions!

A long time ago, long before there were blogs or even the internet for that matter, their was a wonderful weekly column in St. Paul's daily newspaper (The Pioneer Press) called Mrs. Malaprop.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a malaprop (or malapropism) is when someone confuses two or more common sayings and merges them into a new and humorous version of their own. A great example of this is Emma's tongue-in-cheek use of "It's not rocket surgery!"

In that column, readers would send in their favorite over-heard malaprops and the Pioneer Press would print them every Wednesday. The submissions were hysterical and was easily my favorite feature in their paper.

Well, I thought it would be loads of fun to resurrect this idea right here on View From The Cloud! You send me your favorite mangled sayings and I'll write a monthly column that features your submissions. You can either leave them in the comments or email them to me here.

Based on the sheer number of submissions to the Pioneer Press, I'm confident there is an endless supply of these golden gems floating around out there just waiting to be shared with the rest of us. And I know you've heard some of your own.

So to get things started, I'll submit 3 favorites I have saved in my memory banks from years ago:

- You're walking on thin water young man! (first used when Mary was scolding Jesus)

- Sometime I feel like I'm walking on egg crates around her. (because she's sensitive, but not really that sensitive)

- You need to get all your eggs in a row. (just don't put all your ducks in one basket)

I won't say who I heard these from because she probably won't think I'm this is funny and then I'll have to sleep on the couch. But in her defense (whoever she is), I would add that it's been years since she's treated me to a good one. Malaprop that is.

But I'm definitely keeping my eye to the ground!

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"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
Dan Quayle, Vice President

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