I interviewed JD so you don't have to!

In what is sure to go down in history as the slowest blog post of all time, JD and I have FINALLY completed a 3-month project to conduct a simple 5 question interview. The funny thing is, it was supposed to be a 10 question interview, but after only trading 5 questions and answers after such a long time, we both agreed to put it out of its misery and "run with it," as they say in the publishing biz.

I guess that's what happens when you ask 2 bloggers with ADD to accomplish a task together. All I can say is, it's a good thing we're not in charge of anything important!

Anyway, here is my interview with one of my all-time favorite bloggers and bestest friends on the whole internet - JD from I Do Things So You Don't Have To. Enjoy.

1. Name one thing you set out to "do" so we didn't have to, and once you got started said, "Are you insane?... I'm not going to do this!"

Well, there was the infamous head cheese incident. A while back, I foolishly solicited requests from readers, some of which were rather . . . inappropriate. But there were several requests that seemed doable and even entertaining; in particular, one from a certain Minnesotan musician. He requested that I eat head cheese (so he wouldn’t have to), and THIS was one of the things I actually agreed to do. Foolish JD. I got as far as the grocery store display of packaged head cheese. I looked. I thought. I puked inwardly. Then I left. I may be a coward, but I’m not insane.

2. Oh well, fortunately Karl was insane enough to cover that one for me. Speaking of being a coward... what's your beef with raisins. Is it because they look like decapitated fly torsos? What did raisins ever do to you?

I’ll tell you what raisins did – and continue to do – to me. They’re sneaky evil sneaks that masquerade as chocolate chips and ruin otherwise delicious baked goods. Can anyone adequately describe the horror of chomping into what they THINK is a chocolate chip cookie and finding in their mouths instead the squirmy, awful, chewy, horrible . . . THING that is a raisin??? NO! Raisins are Mother Nature’s cruelest trick. She killed the innocent grape and yet allowed it to live. As a raisin.

3. I see. So you're saying raisins are really undead zombie grapes? Well, when you put it that way it sounds all negative and stuff.

In August of '08 we missed meeting each other at Niagra Falls by only a few hours. Then I vandalized the place with like a thousand little View From The Cloud stickers so you could find them in a treasure hunt - and you didn't find one. I even put one on the forehead of the woman selling tickets to the tour behind the falls. Seriously. Did you even try?

ED NOTE... It was at this time I waited over 2 weeks for a response. Our email exchange went like this:
Me: Tap tap tap...
JD: I THOUGHT WE SAID NO PRESSURE!!!!!?????
Me: Sorry, I was out of line. Is it ok if I put a 2011 deadline on it?
JD (a few days later): HA! You thought I wouldn't get this in until 2011, didn't you? Well, I'm a WHOLE YEAR earlier than you figured.

And now, back to JD's answer:

Did I even try? Did I . . . (splutters furiously then regains composure).
OK, dude. You have noooo idea how hard I looked for those stupid stickers. It's a good thing I've been to Niagara Falls several times already, because Maid of the Mist? Horseshoe Falls? Natural beauty? People watching? I missed it all in favor of keeping my eyeballs constantly peeled to any possible surface where a sticker might've been placed. I think your term "vandalized" is appropriate, because the Niagara Falls cleaning force must've been following right on your heels, removing every sticker seconds after you stuck it. Because there was nothing. NOTHING. If there had been a sticker, I would've found it. And really, I'm beginning to wonder if you even put up any stickers at all. Because it's JUST like you to mess with my head like that. I even asked the lady selling tickets to the tour behind the falls. She remembered you, all right. But she said nothing about no stinkin' stickers.

4. Hmm, maybe someday you should tell me how you really feel about those stickers. Anyway, moving on...

You are quite revealing in your openness to write about the nude beaches and nudist camps you and your husband like to visit. For the rest of us who are not so liberal... please expose what it is you like so much about public nudity. Give us the naked truth. What are we missing?

First, nice wordplay, using "revealing" as your choice of verb. I like it. What I don't like is the assumption that I am a nudist. Allow me to clarify:

This whole nude thing was Dave's idea. And it's not like he wanders around the house nude; I've seen more of his nude self on our exactly 10 nude excursions than during the total of our almost 20-year marriage. And you might think he loves naked-lady-watching, but that's only part of it. In truth, at the places we've been to, the naked ladies are really not all that much to look at. Mainly, the man just loves being nude in public.

Me? Not so much. Part of my public nudity is based on indulging Dave's favorite hobby, but there is an aspect to public nudity that I love, too.

I LOVE to swim in the nude! And I don't mind lounging on beaches or by pools in just my awesome tan, either. You see, I never realized it, but I hate tan lines. I feel very comfortable shedding my clothes if there's water around. But invite me to a nude bowling tournament or a nude barbecue, and I'll have to politely decline.

Dave, however, will be there.

5. I see. I noticed you didn't mention the whole nude waist-high salad bar incident. I, um... think I'll just leave that one alone for now thank you.

And now, after 3 suspenseful months... THE FINAL QUESTION!

You've written some classic bloggage over the last several years, but for some reason I seem to enjoy your posts about pain and suffering the most. That's because you do such a great job of turning a horrible situation into a hysterical read. There are dozens I can reference, but these 2 in particular stick out as vintage JD.

I Faked A Concussion, I Had A Colonoscopy

The question? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. What is YOUR favorite post about the worst thing that has happened to you?

I don't think you're the only one who enjoys those types of posts. I think they're fun to read because everyone has gone through something, be it injury, illness, or surgery. I find a LOT of humor in these types of situations, and I think other people do, too. My favorite? It's gotta be this one:

I Had Surger... A Procedure

It's a little long, but I think it's pretty funny from start to finish. It also contains the word "underpants," which is one of my favorite funny words. I like the insistence on referring to it as a "procedure" instead of "surgery," and any post that features my mom is gonna be a winner.

Oh, wait. I see you didn't ask WHY this post is my favorite. Oh, well. Consider that a bonus.

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And there you have it. Thank you JD for allowing me to interview you. It was a lot of fun! And speaking of fun... I must say I'm rather enjoying having my blog be "private" so I can write about things like nude bloggers and national park vandalism without having to worry about my potential employers seeing it.

Heh... and won't this be a fun little surprise once I get a job and open it back up for them to find.

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Ten Questions with Jeff

My recent interview with Diesel was so much fun that I decided I wanted to do more interviews. Unfortunately, I didn't actually ask anyone else if they wanted to be interviewed - so that makes it a little tough.

Then I remembered this post from 2 years ago where I simply interviewed myself, and  how huge of a hit that was. Problem solved! 

So here I am again, chatting with myself. Enjoy.

#1

Sup.






Not much, sup with you?

#2

 Last I heard you were looking for a new job. How's that working out for you?


Well, in the last month I've applied for 23 jobs. Miraculously, 9 of them have offered me positions and I've accepted them all. It's my feeling that it's better to have too many jobs than not enough.The only drawback is I have to work 167.5 hours per week. But I do have a spare 1/2 hour in there to take a shower, so it's not all bad.

#3

I haven't heard jack about The Receders in months. Did you guys break up?



Funny you should mention that. NO. Our bass player had to take a new job in Nashville and for some reason he wasn't interested in flying back to Minnesota every month to play a biker bar for no money. He's kind of quirky that way. Bottom line is we found a new guy and we are in the process of preparing for our first concert in January. Where, you ask? Why right here! Tickets went on sale today, so if you're interested in attending, get them now. The last time we played there we sold out in 2 weeks.

#4 

What about Austin's Skate Plaza project? Is that thing ever going to get built?



Man, it's like you're psycho psychic or something. Next Tuesday the city is holding a public input meeting where people can show up to express their support (hint hint) or concerns about the project. The mayor has indicated that if there are no major roadblocks after that, the new skate plaza will open on July 4, 2010 - exactly four years to the day that Austin approached him about building a skate plaza. If you're interested in following the progress, you can join his Facebook group here.

#5

Ok... word on the street is that your side business, Virus Stompers, is doing pretty well. Do you send the people who write viruses flowers and candy for supplying you all that business?

Hardly. Those scumbags should be hung up by their trojan horses and flogged. The world would be a much better place if every time you used the internet or email you weren't at risk of being infected. Fortunately, if you follow some basic safety and maintenance guidelines you should be just fine. In the meantime, if you would like to be updated on a weekly basis with helpful safety tips and virus-related news, you can always become a Facebook fan or follow us on Twitter. We've gotten a lot of positive feedback from these little info-tweets.

#6

That was like 3 advertisements in a row. Aren't you ashamed?



Oh hell no. That's exactly what personal blogs are all about. Everytime we publish something we're basically advertising for ourselves in one way or another, whether it be our family, our recipes or our writing. Personally, I'm always selling my humor in the hopes that someone from a hit sitcom or humor magazine will read my blog and beg me to work for them. I hear it happens all the... well, I hear it happened once. But still, that's not never!

#7 

You just used the word "everytime" in that last answer. Is "everytime" even a word?



I always thought so, but according to the online dictionaries it isn't. I wonder if anyone else uses it.

#8

What the hell is going on with blogs these days? Is it just me or are blogs becoming yesterday's news?


It seems that as more and more people are coming online with things like Facebook and Twitter, more and more people are also moving away from blogs - both in terms of writing them and reading/commenting on them. 

I fear the heyday of blog activity is waning. My comments have dropped from the high 30s a few years ago to 10-15 these days. Likewise, the number of newly published posts in my feed reader is slowing down at a rapid rate as well. It just seems there are too many other distractions out there and people only have so much time. Personally, I recommend that people visit View From The Cloud first and then check their FB statuses etc next. But that's just me.

#9

What are you wearing?



Ok, that's just weird. Even for you. But if you must know, I'm wearing a lovely cotton tee-shirt and jeans, just like you.

#10

For some reason I don't believe that you really got a new job, let alone 9 of them. Are you BS-ing me? 


Wow, nothing gets by you, does it. The straight answer is no, I didn't get a new job. But I do have a job interview tomorrow, so wish me luck!

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10 Questions with Rob (Diesel) Kroese

As many of you know, my friend Rob (Diesel) Kroese (pronounced KROO-see for some unknown reason) recently published his first novel, Mercury Falls.

Mercury Falls is an extremely clever and surprisingly deep book about how the Apocalypse is supposed to unfold, and the characters who are unfolding it. What's not surprising is why it's clever and deep.

I've been following Diesel as a blogger for several years and find him to be one of the wittiest, smartest and most snarkastic humorists in the business - which is exactly what you want in an author of a novel about a smartass Angel who is meddling with Armageddon.

I see big things coming for this man, so I decided to interview him while he was still unknown enough to talk to me. Then later, when he's all "Ooh... I'm a big famous author guy" I can crack open this post and say I knew him when. Enjoy.

1. Your book's storyline is very well organized and complete. Describe your writing process. Did you have the whole plot mapped out before you began writing it, or did you just kind of start it and make it up as you went?

I definitely didn't start from any kind of outline. For me, that makes writing too much of a chore, although I can see why some people do it. I started with the character of Mercury, who is this sort of disillusioned smartass of an angel. It seems like angels (and demons) are always depicted in books and movies as being these unquestioning agents of higher powers, and I wanted to challenge that idea, so I came up with this angel who is basically well-intentioned but has absolutely no interest in doing what he's been told to do. And since Mercury is such a big, overbearing character, I decided I needed a more down-to-earth foil that readers could relate to, so I came up with Christine, a reporter whose job is essentially to cover the apocalypse (which turns out not to be as exciting as it sounds). I contrived a situation for these two characters to meet, and then kind of went from there. The problem with writing this way is that you end up writing yourself into a lot of dead-ends, and you do a lot of backtracking and rewriting. Still, for me it works better than writing from an outline. I'm too much like Mercury -- if I have an outline, I feel compelled to rebel against it, even if I imposed the outline on myself.

2. Armageddon, the Apocalypse, destiny... these are heady topics. Do you ponder these things for real, or do you just find them entertaining topics to write about?

Honestly, no. I don't think much about these things, at least not in any specific sense. In fact, a lot of the book's humor comes from the attempts of human beings (and angels) to understand concepts that are way beyond their pay grade. Anybody who tells you with a straight face that they understand the Book of Revelation is not to be taken seriously.

3. I suffered along with you as you struggled to get a book deal and ultimately ended up self-publishing instead. That must have been very frustrating. Did you think it was going to be easier? How has your view of the publishing industry changed? Do you feel jaded by this experience?

I knew it was going to be hard, but not as hard as it was. To be honest, I think that if I had finished Mercury Falls two years earlier, I would have been able to get it published by a major publisher. But things are really surreal in the publishing industry right now. I don't think I'm being hyperbolic when I say that this is the worst time in the last hundred years to be trying to get a novel published. Unless you're already a celebrity or you happen to hit on the 'hot' topic of the moment (hint: vampires), your odds of being published by one of the big houses are ridiculously small. I got positive feedback from a number of literary agents, but in the end nobody wanted to take a chance on a quirky novel about a rogue angel written by a guy with an apparently unpronounceable last name. So my choice was to try to get it published by a smaller, independent press or to self-publish, and I just didn't see the advantage of going with an independent press. With any publisher, you lose a large amount of control over the book and you forfeit most of the book's revenues. Sure, you can say that you were published by a "real publisher," but who cares? There are tens of thousands of books published every year by "real publishers" that never make it to the shelves of Barnes & Noble. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I should add that it is absolutely not true that a self-published book will never be picked up by a major publisher -- or, for that matter, sell a hundred thousand copies without the help of a major publisher. Yesterday I got an email from someone at Barnes & Noble corporate asking me to send them a copy of my book so that they could consider stocking it. I have no idea where they even heard about Mercury Falls; I can only guess that enough customers asked them for it that it made it onto their radar. That's a nice email to get -- a lot nicer than the dozens of rejections I was getting from literary agents looking for the next pubescent vampire series.

4. You have a very dry and snarky sense of humor. I know your type. I'm one myself. As a child, did your mouth ever get you in trouble? Did you have trouble respecting authority figures?

There's a lot of Mercury in me. Or a lot of me in Mercury. I have a compulsive need to point out absurdities, and that includes the hypocrisies and idiosyncracies of the people that I'm supposed to respect. So yeah, I got in a fair amount of trouble in school, and I've been fired from a few jobs. I like to think I've grown up a bit, but I figure that if you've never been fired from a job, you're not pushing hard enough.

5. At one point in your blog-tales you were chronicling the progress of your home remodeling efforts. Did you ever complete your house and landscaping projects or do you still have a giant unfinished addition and a dirt yard?

I stopped blogging regularly shortly before the house was finished, so I never closed the loop on that whole saga. Yes, the house is done. My wife and I designed it ourselves (and I did a fair amount of actual construction work), and it's awesome to have a house that's exactly what we wanted.

6. For some reason I'm fascinated by the fact you own an almond orchard. Tell me about it. Is it still producing? How large is it? Do you farm it personally or lease it out to other growers? Does it provide income for you? Do you have almonds with every meal?

Yes, we have an almond orchard. And it's pronounced "amund," like "salmon." I live in the Almond Capital of the World, Ripon, California, so we get to decide how it's pronounced. We only have about 8 acres, so it's not really worth the trouble of farming it ourselves. We lease it to a guy who has like a bazillion acres in the area. Without giving an exact figure, I'll just say that it provides slightly less revenue than panhandling. It's like writing that way. And you can't really just pick almonds off the tree and eat them, because the nuts have this hull around them that you basically need a hammer to crack open. And if you go to the trouble of doing that, you get one tiny little almond that's kind of moist and squishy and bland, because it hasn't been dried, roasted or salted. So no, we don't have them with every meal.

7. Do you still work for Google? If so, what exactly do you do for them. And more importantly, can you get me a job there?
 

I'm always very careful to say I work "at" Google, not "for" Google. Technically I work for another company that's a subcontractor for Google. The company I work for manages inventory for tech companies -- basically, they help these companies keep their employees supplied with computers, monitors, mice, etc. For the past two years I've been building an asset tracking system for Google -- basically a system that allows them to track where all their laptops, monitors, etc. are once they've been deployed. You'd be surprised at how unsophisticated the tracking systems are at a lot of these high tech companies (and it's not just Google; we have contracts with lots of other big companies). These companies are so focused on growing and delivering products to their customers that pretty quick they've got a multi-billion dollar enterprise that's tracking its equipment on 26 different spreadsheets. Google is particularly surreal; they believe in giving their engineers basically anything the engineers need. It's standard, for example, to give an engineer a desktop PC, a laptop and two 26" flat panel monitors on the day they start. Which is awesome for the engineers -- but it would also be nice to be able to track where all this stuff is that you've given out. So, to answer your question, no.

8. I know you've thought about it... so who will play your characters in the movie?

For Mercury, I like Bruce Campbell (left) or maybe Simon Baker (you know, from "The Mentalist"). Will Smith would be great too. It's gotta be somebody with some swagger. Not sure about Christine. Maybe Zooey Deschanel (right). As for Karl (the Antichrist), I think Kevin Smith might be a fitting choice. (And this question isn't as ridiculous as it sounds. Hopefully I'll have more news on that in a few weeks.)

9. What's your next book going to be about?

Probably about a hundred pages shorter.

10. Finally... In the book, you described the title character this way: "Mercury was tall, maybe six foot four. He had the physique of a cyclist and the hands of a harpsichordist. He could just as well have been a long distance runner and concert pianist..." And, "His features were pronounced and aquiline. Deep set green eyes peered mischievously out from under his prominent brow."

Let's see... I'm 6'4", thin like a cyclist, I play the piano, have deep set green eyes and a prominent brow. You totally created that character after me didn't you.

That description was only in your copy. I customize it for everyone who buys the book. It's a lot of work, but well worth it for the joy it brings to my readers.
Ed note: That's very considerate... thank you. 

So there you have it folks... 10 questions with Rob (Diesel) Kroese. I hope you enjoyed it, and I highly recommend you buy his book. It's funny and smart and way worth the measly $12 they're selling it for on Amazon.

Buy the book on Amazon here
Visit the Mercury Falls web site here

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Five Hundred

500 posts? Really? Damn, that's a lot of BS!

So then - in honor of this most historic occasion, here are the answers to the personal questions you were so kind to ask. I'll try my hardest to be serious with these - but don't expect miracles.

April - 1. What made you start blogging?
It all started when I stumbled upon this post by accident while doing a Google search for something at Home Depot. I immediately wondered, who are these common folk that write so humorously on the internets? And after reading through all her archives I came to the conclusion that I should attempt something like that. The rest, as they say, is history.

2. It seems your family all supports the blogging; are there some people IRL who don't know about it?
MOST of the people I associate with in real life don't know about my blog. When I was interviewed by our local newspaper I told all my employees about it and only asked that they not read it at work. Well, not only did they not read it at the office, but apparently they didn't bother to look it up at home either - which is fine with me.

3. We all know you're a great dad, and love being a dad, but what has been the hardest part of parenting for you? How do you overcome it?
The hardest part is definitely the balance of being a parent vs being a friend. Nothing breaks my heart more than having to stick to my guns and enforce a tough decision. It would be SO much easier and way more fun to simply let the kids do whatever they want whenever they want to, but in the end it's the structure and consistency that makes for well adjusted and happy children.

JD - How long did it take you to learn how to play the harmonica? (Please include any pertinent details: did you teach yourself? Do you think I could learn? and so on)
About one afternoon. The first time I decided to try it was in 1986 when I wanted to sing The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades by Timbuk3. The song has a cheezy harp solo in it and I really wanted it to sound authentic as opposed to just mimicking it on the keyboard. It only took me a few minutes to cop the solo by ear. After that I was hooked and started playing harmonica on everything. And yes, I think you could play it too. But I wouldn't recommend buying those instruction books that come with a CD. Just buy one, listen to a harmonica part you like and try to recreate it. It's that easy!

Elizabeth - Do you speak any foreign language? Is there any language that you don't speak now that you really would like to learn?
You mean besides Geek? No, but I would actually like to be able to understand Spanish, since it's such a prominent language in our society today.

Kathy - 1. What sports, clubs or activities were you involved with in high school?
Just choir. And I was part of a 50's band that played sock hops and dances too.

2. Did you ever break a bone?
Never. Not once. In fact, nobody in my family has ever broken a bone that I know of. We drank a lot of milk.

3. Besides Canada, have you ever traveled out of the U.S.? If so, where?
Yes. I spent about 3 months in Asia and the South Pacific in 1981 on a USO tour with this band. We were lucky enough to be on the same tour as Lou Rawls and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!

4. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Coffee, with a little chocolate drizzled on top. YUM!

5. What's the best Christmas gift you ever got as a child?
Easy. Read this!

6. And here's a dare: What was your SAT score?
As I replied when you wrote the question... I don't actually know what my SAT score was! How would I find that out after all this time? Maybe they're etched into some stone tablets somewhere. I'll have to check.

Heather - How much furniture did Charli have when you met her? Did that seal the deal?
Hmmm, I don't remember. But I do know she had a really nice bed.

FOR SLEEPING!

Michelle - I believe I remember you saying that you grew up in MN. Did you ever think about leaving? Did you ever leave for awhile (other than touring, obviously)? What keeps you there? Would you leave if given the opportunity?
Besides being on the road, I grew up in Duluth and have always lived in MN. After we got married I took a job here in St. Cloud and have basically had the same job ever since (17 years). Once Roseanna is 18 however (in only 6 more years but who's counting), Charli and I are thinking about exploring other states and opportunities.

Babs - Do you play any other instruments, besides the harmonica?
Yes, I am first and foremost a keyboard player. I'm also a singer and recently took guitar lessons for a few years. But I never really got the hang of that so I don't play it much these days.

Bill - What was in the river? The Army Corps of Engineers from Mpls is checking it out, if it is still there.

You're referring to this thing. We contacted the DNR and the City of Sartell, but no one has come to look at it that we know of. But now that the water has dropped even further, we think it is a boat lift attached to a dock that got snagged by the ice last winter and has worked it's way downstream to settle on the bottom outside our office.


Well, there you have it... everything you wanted to know about me and weren't afraid to ask. Thanks for the great questions everyone!

It seems like just yesterday I was debating whether or not to start this blog. Now, 500 posts later, I'm happy to say I made the right decision - thanks to all of you!

So stick around folks... I think I've still got another 500 left in me :-)

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Extra: Fellow blogger's novel in the bookstores. Win one here!

Driving Sideways is a just-released novel written by a blogging buddy of mine, Jess Riley and I'll be giving away a brand new copy of her book one week from tomorrow.

I first stumbled onto Jess's blog about 2 years ago while blog hopping around, and became an instant fan of her smart humor, hysterical references and easy writing style. At that time Jess was on a journey to get her freshly-written novel published and I was fortunate enough to be able to tag along as she went from final edits, to being published, to being selected as a Target Break-Out Book due out on their shelves on June 19! In the meantime you can pick it up at all the other major bookstores.

The other journey I followed was the story in the book itself. Driving Sideways is a deliciously funny story of a woman who, after receiving a kidney transplant, also receives a new lease on life - and fueled by the energy being channeled to her from the deceased donor himself, suddenly decides she wants to take a road trip from Wisconsin to L.A. in hopes of meeting her donor's family and her long-lost mother who left her when she was a young girl.

During this adventure the title character, Leigh, winds up picking up a stray hitchhiking companion, hooking up with old friends and lovers, and getting slapped in the face by hysterical calamities, characters and surprises.

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Jess for this post. Here's a little insight into her experience with writing Driving Sideways.

5 Questions with Jess Riley

1. Based on the level of detail you write about during your character Leigh's journey westward, it seems obvious you've taken this trip before. Is that true?

True! I took the trip before I wrote the book, and again afterwards, to make sure I got it right. Also, to take all but two of the photos at the beginning of each chapter. I even bought some auto bingo tiles at the Corn Palace, and posed with my own head in the Getting’ Corny at the Corn Palace cut-outs. Later we stopped at Wall Drug, where I experienced a mildly sweaty case of “Ineedtogetthehelloutofherenow.”

I was a supreme nerd on the second trip, actually taking notes in a little digital recorder, and I’d type them up each night in our motel while my best friend gave the room a cautious inspection, always finding the inevitable stray hair or skidmark that led to threats to sleep in the even filthier (but familiar) car.

2. In your book, Leigh has Polycystic Kidney Disease which is the backdrop of her story. What is your connection with PKD?

I arrived at PKD during my research as I worked backwards from my premise about cellular memory. I was shocked to discover how prevalent it was—affecting more people than Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia, and muscular dystrophy combined, and there is no cure. I’d heard of every one of the other conditions, yet I had never heard of PKD. So I wanted to do my small part to put it on the map for others who may not have heard of it, too. Later, I became friends with two amazing young PKD patients, and I’ve also learned that it affects other friends and colleagues in my life. PKD research is now one of the causes I support.

3. How has your life changed now that you have a novel on the shelves?

My family now knows for sure what a warped mind I have. Some of them may start avoiding me at get-togethers, and who could blame them. (Rip VanGina, anyone?) But in all seriousness, life hasn’t changed much—I still polish my diamonds one gemstone at a time, and my ears still pop when I fly to Europe on my private jet, just like everyone else.

4. Name one scene from the story that has actually happened to you in real life.

You know, I could probably open the book randomly and land on an anecdote that really happened. The bar in Vegas is actually based on a piano bar in Milwaukee, and I had a sassy cocktail waitress just like the one that serves Leigh and Chris. But at the real piano bar, they are very protective of their microphone, and would never let just anyone get up and sing.

Also true: a nineteen year-old creepy stoner ski bum sneaking up on me while I slept on the couch at my friend’s apartment in Colorado. I gave him a stern talking-to, just like Leigh did.

And this: breaking down in the middle of nowhere out west. We were rescued by a filthy tow-truck driver, though—no hot state trooper or RV of ‘swingers.’

5. I know you've thought about it... so who would you want to play your characters in the movie?

This is WAAY too hard to answer, but I would love to see Lauren Ambrose or Kelli Garner (from Lars and the Real Girl) as Leigh, Paul Rudd as James, Vince Vaughn as Wes, and Ellen Page as Denise in a film version of the book. This is a hard question! I wish there were a posse of bawdy yet vulnerable young actresses, like the female version of the Judd Apatow crew from Superbad and Knocked-Up.

And now - on to the contest! If you would like to enter, simply leave a comment that you would like a copy of Jess's book. I will do the drawing next Tuesday, June 10 and the winner will receive a new copy (not the one I spilled my coffee in) of Driving Sideways, complete with an autographed name card AND postage paid by me!

In the meantime, I encourage you to stop by Jess's blog and read some of her stuff. As a sample, I've selected 5 posts below that made me chuckle, which was hard to narrow down since everything she writes cracks me up.

So have fun checking out Jess. You'll be glad you did!

Tiny Hand

Lawnmower Battle

Advanage - without the T

Monkey Business

Baby Got Back

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Drive on over here for some other sideways humor

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Ten Questions with Jeff

Well well well, whatta ya know. One day you're contemplating starting a blog and the next day you're celebrating your 2 year anniversary. Ain't it funny how that works. I guess as the old frog says, "Time's fun when you're having flies!"

Thank you all so much for stopping by the last few days and saying all the nice things you said. It really does mean a lot to me that all of you comment so frequently and tell me you enjoy what I write. Trust me... this blog wouldn't have lasted 5 days if I felt like people didn't like my writing. I'm way too insecure for that. Fortunately, in the last 2 years I have only received one negative comment, and that one didn't even make much sense. Of course when the most controversial thing you write about is goldfish, you don't tend to draw a lot of opposition.

Anyway, I thought the best way to fully understand what these last 2 years have meant to me, was to have someone conduct an interview with me, you know - to find out a little more about the guy peering over the cloud.

And who better to do that than... me!

So then, here are 10 questions I've asked myself.

#1

Sup.





Not much, sup with you?

#2

Aren't you worried that people will think you're weird for interviewing yourself?


No, I don't have those kinds of hangups. I have completely different hangups, such as being worried that people will see me singing in my car. You'd think it wouldn't bother me but it does. And if I really must sing while I'm sitting at a stop light for example, I'll actually do it through clenched teeth.

#3

What have you learned about blogging after 2 years?



That there are tons of amazingly cool people out there doing the same thing who I'm proud to call my friends.

#4

What can we expect from View From The Cloud over the next year?



I'm thinking about switching from writing a family/humor blog to writing exclusively about potatoes. I'll write about growing them, cooking them and dressing them up with little eyes, noses and mouths. I think you'll really like it.

#5

Name an advantage and disadvantage of being 6'4".



Advantage... I can sit in front of small children at movie theaters so they can't see. It serves them right for being so little, and it really makes me feel superior.
Disadvantage... The fabric on the roof of my Geo Prism is starting to come loose and it hits my hair and drives me insane.

#6

How did you end up with such cool kids when you're such a dork?



Easy. My kids do everything possible to not be like me. This automatically makes them cool.

#7

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?


What do you mean? African or European?

#8

What first inspired you to blog?



I had done a Google search for something about stripping paint (probably related to our steps from hell) and I found a hysterical story a blogger had written about painting her bathroom. Until that point I had never even realized that regular people were out there writing great stuff in these things call blogs. After reading her entire archive history, I thought, "hey I could do this" and View From The Cloud was born.

#9

Did you ever leave a comment or contact her?



Ya, you could say that. At first I left a few comments. Then I started sending her emails and asking her questions about blogging. In the beginning she was very polite and graciously answered my questions. But I think when I asked her if I could come to her house to watch her write for a few days she got a little creeped out, and suddenly stopped replying to my emails. Hey - I just wanted to make sure I was properly trained before I started blogging "live." I'm sure many other people have requested the same thing.

#10

When are The Receders going to finally put out a CD?



Damn good question. I honestly don't know what the hangup is. I mean, we already have about a dozen great songs ready to go. All we need to do is book some studio time, coordinate a schedule that allows the 4 of us to get together several times for several hours each session within a relatively close timeframe, and put out a CD.

Uh, yeah - on second thought...

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